


The Unseen Unversity Kakapo

by Lancre_witch



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Book: The Science of Discworld, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, the university faculty bickering mainly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:11:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26460148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lancre_witch/pseuds/Lancre_witch
Summary: Roundworld's propensity for creating life when it really shouldn't continues to baffle the university faculty. Some of the local wildlife takes a liking to Rincewind.(I found this in my drafts from goodness knows when. It was meant to be part of a longer work, but it works on its own as a standalone slice of life at good old UU. Influenced heavily by Douglas Adams' Last Chance To See.)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	The Unseen Unversity Kakapo

“Alright you Fellows, who’s been messing about with the local wildlife?” Ridcully’s voice boomed around the forest causing a couple of parrots to fall out of their trees in shock.

“Don’t look at me,” said the Lecturer in Recent Runes.

On cue, everyone turned to look at him.

“Personally, I blame the Senior Wrangler. Doesn’t anyone else remember the giant whelk?” The Dean glared suspiciously at a far too large insect sitting lethargically on a nearby tree trunk.

“You know the Archancellor vetoed that idea. Besides, young Stibbons has been awfully quiet.”

“Hmm?” Ponder looked up from his notebook and looked around. “Has anyone seen Rincewind?”

“Rincewind! Bigods, it’s always the one you least suspect!”

Ponder pushed his way through the dense foliage, following the trail the Luggage had left. That was one bit of tracking even the most avowed townie could do – the complete lack of any untrampled vegetation within a one foot radius of its passage was a definite clue.

He eventually found Rincewind trying unsuccessfully to untangle his robe from a particularly vicious creeper.

“I already told you! Go away!”

Ponder was taken aback. “But I only-”

“Not you. That.”

He waved at – Ponder peered at it – “A parrot?”

“A bloody nuisance, you mean. It’s been following me for half an hour now. I think the Luggage is in cahoots with it.”

Ponder looked at Rincewind who had been known to outrun a steam engine, then at the bird which was still waddling slowly towards him. He took a seat on the Luggage, making Rincewind wince. “They think someone’s been down here doing magic.”

“Do you believe them?”

“I _didn’t_.” He caught the curiously penetrating gaze of the large green bird which had clawed its way onto Rincewind’s hat in the interim.

“I don’t. Not even wizards could mess up a place this badly. See this thing?” He pointed at the parrot which panicked and tried to fly away. Both wizards winced when it hit the ground with a thump.

“See? Kakapos the natives call them. Most useless bloody creature in the world. No predators so they forgot how to fly. Then they forgot that they’d forgotten.” He sighed and picked up the lightly concussed bird. “Not even wizards could think of something that stupid.”

“The blind watchmaker,” Ponder muttered.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing. Just something I read once. Come on, let’s get back before someone accuses the Bursar of mutiny.”


End file.
